Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Do You Believe in Magic?

Magic?  Do you believe in it when it comes to an enduring relationship?  We do!

After working with hundreds of marriages, we are firm believers that couples need to spend a lifetime learning, applying, relearning, applying, day after day, year after year.  That’s why we do what we do!  But we also believe in an intangible thing we’ll refer to as “magic.”

One of our favorite teachers once said when teaching about marriage that it starts with a spark…no, we’re not talking about lust here!  We’re talking about butterflies in the stomach, feeling a need to get to know this person better, catching his eye across the room, noticing she likes Mexican food as much as you do, your heart skipping a beat when she enters the room.  That’s the magic!

Sometimes we hear the statements:  What does she see in him?  They sure are an odd couple!  I never pictured a guy like him with a girl like her.

I (Paula) remember my best friend confronting me when I was thinking about dating Kevin again after he had broken my heart two times already:  I can’t believe you are willing to even consider dating him again!!  What could I say…there was just something about this young man!  From the first time I set eyes on him I thought he was THE ONE.

So, when you look at the differences (age, race, background, personality type) and doubt the relationship’s viability, consider learning more about that person and how to communicate with and understand them.  That’s why we always help couples understand their differences (temperaments, background, conflict resolution styles, etc.)

Because sometimes, it’s the intangibles, the “magic” that makes an enduring relationship.  One woman (married over 50 years) put it this way:  I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s something about my husband.  Music always sounds better, sweeter, when we’re together.  Her husband agreed:  When she’s around, food is tastier, sunsets are more beautiful…everything is just plain better.

That is why we believe in the magic of “happier ever after”…  When we seek to understand that other person and to be understood by them (learning about them, sharing our hopes and dreams and disappointments with them, working on that day after day), we believe that spark that started it all can be fanned instead of snuffed out over time.  And that’s magic!!

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