Can You Help Us?

Holding back the tears Betsy confessed, “I was sexually molested at five years of age.  As a Jr. Higher I was put in foster care because my dad threated to kill me while high on drugs.  My first husband abused me.  John and I have been married five years with two little girls and we fight constantly.  We don’t want to live like this!  Please help us!”

Does that seem severe and unbelievable to you?  Then you must live in a cocoon.  In working with couples we see it all the time….the pain of innocence lost, of promises broken, disillusionment, sorrow and never-ending pain.  We see it because these are things that wreak havoc on a marriage.

All around us are people battling images in their mind—a father slamming the door as he leaves, someone who should be trusted taking your innocence, a spouse who gave their heart to someone else, a child taken away much too soon, the carnage of war overseas or on our streets here at home, on and on it goes.

We sometimes have to hide our shock and horror at the pain some people bear behind the smiles of façade.  And, yes, these are people sitting next to you in the pew at church!

The good news is that when we meet with them they are seeking help.  Is there hope?  Can life truly be lived “happily ever after”? 

It sure can!  With a loving, miracle-working God!  Without Him there is not much hope, but with Him there is!

MercyMe sings these words: 

You remain…even when the earth is shaking

You remain…even when our kings have fallen

Every mountain standing tall will crash into the sea.

You were, You are, and You will be.  Only You remain!

When all is crashing down around us…He remains!!  Statistics.  Legislation.  Politics.  Wars and revolutions.  Devastation from storms.  Violence in our streets.  Homes falling apart.  He shines even when the stars have left the sky!  He remains!

Thank you for giving us the opportunity through your financial gifts and prayers of sharing hope with individuals, couples, and families!

 Living to give hope to the hopeless!

I love you!!

 “I love you, Gramps” were the words that melted my heart.  Coen, our grandson, was staying at our house while his mother ran a few errands.  It was time for him to take a nap, so to help him get to sleep, I laid down beside him on the couch.  He looked me in the eye and spoke those magical words.

This whole escapade reminds me of a song, Unspoken Love, whose lyrics we have included with this letter.   The sad lyrics speak of the life-giving words that go unspoken day after day.

You know, it really doesn’t take a lot to make a person’s day.  Our daughter, Christa, who is expecting our second grandchild in July, shared the other day how thrilling it is when people tell her how good she’s looking, encouraging her in her pregnancy.  “Why don’t we say those things at other times as well?” she texted us.  “I need to remember that daily, to say those words that encourage others.”

In one of our seminars, Better Communication = Greater Intimacy, we talk about encouraging words and discouraging words.  They are both so easy to speak.  We simply have a choice each day (actually, many times each day!)--will we speak words of love, encouragement, nurture?  Or will we speak words that intimidate, inflict pain, or discourage.

I believe this is true in the marriage relationship more than any other.  We grow so used to each other, and if we let our minds drift into selfishness, we begin to focus on all that is wrong with our spouse.  When this happens it is so easy to forget all about encouraging words and instead let slip words that hurt.

Sometimes we get under the mistaken opinion that our deeds are all that are needed to express our love.  Like the poor wife who, after forty years of marriage, was desperate to hear her husband verbally express his love.  She confronted him by asking, “Do you love me?” “Why do you ask?” he said. “Because you never say so,” was her reply.  His reply?  “I told you ‘I love you’ on our wedding day and nothing has changed.  If anything changes, you will be the first to know!”  L  We need to hear those reassuring words—I love you!

I’m not saying to forget the tangible demonstrations of our love.  As we approach Easter, we find the most demonstrative act of love ever displayed.  But God not only shows His love for us, it is expressed throughout the entire Bible from Genesis to Revelation.  In fact, the Bible is often called His love letter to His children!

So, make somebody’s day today by showing and expressing love!

This is gonna hurt!

Fallen down lately? I did!  After skirting black ice throughout our entire two-mile walk on one of those cold, icy mornings I let my guard down for a second and went head first at the end of our driveway.  As if in slow motion, my mind whirred as first my knees, then my wrists, and finally my chin hit the sidewalk with one thought:  This is going to hurt!

We don’t heal as fast as we used to!  The skinned chin is all healed, the scraped knees will scar and still hurt to the touch and, the worst, the sprained wrist has to be babied.  Accidents happen so quickly, without warning, and can cause injury that can hurt for days, months, and, yes, years in the future.

The same can be said about the words that come out of our mouths.  One word or a few words spoken without thought of how it will effect the other person can cause injuries that will take days, months, and, often, years to heal; some cause such injury they never fully heal.

Our all-knowing Father knew we would have a problem with this.  He has quite a description of the tongue and the words we say in the book of James.  He describes the tongue as a small part of the body, but like a spark of fire, can result in devastation.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness…this should not be.  James 3:9-10

In working with couples and families one of our main areas of focus is on communication.  That entails going through a process of forgiveness (asking and giving) for past poor communication and teaching on how to communicate effectively (being understood without hurting others with your words in the process.)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs…  Ephesians 4:29

Sounds simple, right?  Actually, it’s quite a job!  So many past hurts and little understanding on how to change.  But thankfully we have an awesome God who can help!  We have seen Him change a seemingly hopeless home into a thriving relationship, which can light the way for others.

Which brings us to our prayer requests.  Our desire is that in all we do, we do in His name (Colossians 3:23) and will make the most of every opportunity (Colossians 4:5-6).  Please pray that God will open doors for our message and that we would proclaim it clearly. 

                                                                         

Newsletter December 2012

December 2012 - Thanks

As we face this holiday season and focus on what we are thankful for, you, and the part you play in our ministry, immediately come to mind!  That is why we are forwarding you the enclosed letter (see below) from a couple who also want to thank you.

Helping couples like Johnny and Amy is so rewarding but with the rejoicing comes the weight of responsibility.  Marriage is key to God’s plan for us.  The first thing God did in the garden with Adam and Eve was to have a wedding ceremony.  John’s Revelation tells us that at the end of this age there will be a marriage supper of the Lamb.  God started His plan for us with marriage and will end time as we know it with a marriage.  See how significant marriage is to God’s agenda?

In over 25 years of marriage ministry God has allowed us to gain experience and gather quality biblical tools for helping couples.  You allow us to use this expertise to not just keep marriages together but to make couples happy and fulfilled in their relationship.

Simply put, we could not do this strategic and powerful ministry without you praying and sacrificially giving to help this ministry succeed. 

You can give right now by clicking here then click the "Give" tab

As we look toward the end of our fiscal year, your year-end giving is essential.  Our budget is made up of monthly giving and special gifts; extra giving at this time of year is a significant portion of our annual operational plan.  Will you help us close out the year in a positive position?

Please pray for us and ask God what He would have you do?

We also ask that you please let us pray for you by sending us an email with your request to (kevin@marriageintheraw.com) 

We rejoice, knowing that God will bless you because of your generous heart to continue helping couples like Johnny and Amy.

Rejoicing in new beginnings!

Kevin and Paula

Thank-you from Johnny and Amy

November 18, 2012

To whom it may concern,

     My husband and I have been married for 15 years this past September. I honestly did not believe that we would make it to this last anniversary. We have been having problems in our marriage for the last 6 years and at the beginning of this year things began to look a little vague for us both. We had both lost all hope in each other and our marriage. On the day I had decided to contact a lawyer for a divorce, my husband contacted Kevin and Paula Hartman thru our pastor’s advice. He called me up and asked me to give us another chance and that’s where (as we like to say) a new beginning started for us.

     WOW! Is all that really comes to mind when we think of Kevin and Paula! They have been heavenly, God sent angels for the Shadell family. We have not only enjoyed our meetings with them but we’ve learned so much about ourselves, our children, marriage, forgiveness and communication thru the teaching and guidance of these two wonderful people! Words cannot truly express how thankful we are for meeting this wonderful couple. The thing that has stood out to us the most is how transparent they are with us. They have shared some of their personal testimonies of their past with us and this has given us hope that we too can make it thru this difficult time of our lives.

     This has been an eventful journey for us both. I feel like we are truly getting a second chance at this thing called marriage. First and foremost we give thanks and honor to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Second to Kevin and Paula Hartman and Marriage in the Raw for our second chance and New Beginning!

May God Bless You All,

Johnny and Amy Shadell